you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
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and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
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I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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