New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
This gyro tastes like lonliness
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
