Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
