I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
