So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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