so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
