I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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