Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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