So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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