i used baking grease as lip gloss
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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