Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Randomize
