I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
