I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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