Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
wow bdsm is so cute
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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