he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My dick has a subreddit
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
