New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
