Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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