somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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