I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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