On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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