the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
