Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
