Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
