so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
