The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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