i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
