In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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