Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She's the barista slut.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
