Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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