Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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