yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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