I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
