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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED

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  Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  I am lonely and I want to touch your beard

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.

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  These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities

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• (954): View more from Florida

  How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  I thought I was just out of shape.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds

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• (323): View more from California

  He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.

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• (530): View more from California

  People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.

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• (424): View more from California

  He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.

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