You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
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I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
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How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.