Texts From Last Night

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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.

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  (314): I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket. http://tfl.nu/jhbx
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you

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  (267): census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you http://tfl.nu/5ryg
  Replies (23) Good night (836) Bad night (1946) Order T-Shirt
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.

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  (571): I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub. http://tfl.nu/fw5s
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  (951): View more from California

  I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal

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  (951): I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal http://tfl.nu/pmv6
  Replies (23) Good night (10183) Bad night (897)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.

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  (302): because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride. http://tfl.nu/wwvv
  Replies (10) Good night (1041) Bad night (3652) Order T-Shirt
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"

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  (228): thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God" http://tfl.nu/z3qu
  Replies (3) Good night (5415) Bad night (975) Order T-Shirt
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.

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  (859): In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing. http://tfl.nu/n1s5
  Replies (4) Good night (3017) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.

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  (479): Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle. http://tfl.nu/ldbf
  Replies (11) Good night (2045) Bad night (952) Order T-Shirt
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  (561): View more from Florida

  If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.

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  (561): If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying. http://tfl.nu/hkz1
  Replies (3) Good night (1585) Bad night (565) Order T-Shirt
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music

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  (907): She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music http://tfl.nu/408g
  Replies (18) Good night (3523) Bad night (519) Order T-Shirt
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  (925): View more from California

  It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.

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  (925): It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day. http://tfl.nu/ynaj
  Replies (5) Good night (1111) Bad night (435) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.

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  (412): He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent. http://tfl.nu/lgq0
  Replies (7) Good night (1290) Bad night (316) Order T-Shirt
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?

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  (778): they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date? http://tfl.nu/4653
  Replies (1) Good night (371) Bad night (761)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.

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  (417): Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you. http://tfl.nu/mj9e
  Replies (11) Good night (884) Bad night (638) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.

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  (540): I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher. http://tfl.nu/sltj
  Replies (3) Good night (651) Bad night (267)

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