im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.