Texts From Last Night

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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.

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  (336): Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see. http://tfl.nu/n17o
  Replies (13) Good night (951) Bad night (2648)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts

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  (914): Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts http://tfl.nu/cnqz
  Replies (12) Good night (3344) Bad night (928)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  three words: i give head

  (770): View more from Georgia

  three words: not that well

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  (404): three words: i give head (770): three words: not that well http://tfl.nu/mukd
  Replies (65) Good night (1482) Bad night (8727)
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  (951): View more from California

  Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.

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  (951): Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor. http://tfl.nu/e2p4
  Replies (13) Good night (8840) Bad night (1121)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Two words Indian burn...

  (1-806): View more from Texas

  What did she think it was, a shake weight?

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  (806): Two words Indian burn... (1-806): What did she think it was, a shake weight? http://tfl.nu/39re
  Replies (27) Good night (1291) Bad night (5958)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?

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  (360): True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not? http://tfl.nu/5au2
  Replies (4) Good night (2284) Bad night (1077)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.

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  (206): Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have. http://tfl.nu/w5t0
  Replies (5) Good night (2161) Bad night (724)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  Threesome in a minivan. New low

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  (907): Threesome in a minivan. New low http://tfl.nu/igpy
  Replies (15) Good night (1886) Bad night (1057)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again

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  (210): he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again http://tfl.nu/vgv1
  Replies (1) Good night (1295) Bad night (936)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.

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  (337): You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left. http://tfl.nu/h7ai
  Replies (3) Good night (1733) Bad night (659)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess

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  (908): I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess http://tfl.nu/xjsr
  Replies (3) Good night (2399) Bad night (683)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.

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  (505): There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy. http://tfl.nu/c3w4
  Replies (6) Good night (2016) Bad night (616)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!

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  (858): CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples! http://tfl.nu/mwbo
  Replies (7) Good night (1311) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner

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  (727): i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner http://tfl.nu/vzvw
  Replies (7) Good night (1122) Bad night (289)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude

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  (407): I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude http://tfl.nu/p3sw
  Replies (1) Good night (184) Bad night (252)

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