YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.