Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
