Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
