I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize