: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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