you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
