I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you didnt know i had herpes?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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