JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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