"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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