hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
