At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she pinky promised me she was 18
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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