Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
