I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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