its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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