if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
