My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
