also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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