About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Houston, we have a blender
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
