I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
