chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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