I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
