You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
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