Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
