I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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