I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
