Banned from zoo.
Again?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
